p.f.i.b.
ReliefI've been trying different things, including updating my portfolio of graphic design work (I'll upload these new things soon), but financially I can't seem to get ahead somehow. Since I moved back from Savannah, I've felt kind of like I've been in limbo. But I spent the last two weeks slaving away on the computer, and then as I looked at websites for agencies I might want to show work to, I noticed that my ideas don't seem that strong compared to what I see professionals doing, and I begin to wonder if I even want to get into commercial art anyway.
So to sum it up, everything lately has been repetition and boredom, like a journey around an oval track that doesn't end. I wouldn't say that things have been bad, just ... dull, lifeless. You're probably thinking, "has SirGrunt always been this whiny?" Then tonight I finally got a piece of masonite back on my easel and started the first few layers of a new painting, and I thought, "Holy crap, it feels great just to have a brush in my hand again."
I've been struggling with preliminary sketches for this painting for several days, but I just decided to start and work things out as I go, no more tinkering or planning. And it felt great. And I realized that painting makes me happy. (I guess there had to be a reason I did it.) But I realized I need to do it to be happy.
And lately, I've been trying really hard to figure out what it is I want. And suddenly I think I might realize a few simple, necessary things that are needed to be happy, in my own case anyway.
Those things are:
Painting
Freedom
Inspiration
Bullshit
I guess the first two are pretty obvious; inspiration can come from a broad range of things, but I need to actively seek it out. And by bullshit, I mean the fun kind of bullshit, the kind that is offered by Montey Python films, public access television or brainstorming sessions with other people who don't take themselves too seriously.
I don't know if I'm suddenly going to have some direction, or if much is going to change, but I feel like I just discovered something important, even if it may seem pretty simple or silly. But I really think I need these four things to not be miserable or crazy. It felt good to get all this articulated and thought through, hopefully it wasn't too painful to read.
If you did read it, I appreciate it.
Devious Comments
But thinking is necessary sometimes, especially if you realize that you need a change in your life. Luckily I get along fine with my parents so I don't have much problem, but as for money I'm much more comfortable holding down a regular job than depending on commissions through art. This way I can poke around with whatever projects I want on the side while earning a regular living. That's my solution. If you can get by with mural commissions that's great, but looking for a regular job is something to consider. Another benefit it gives you is regularity in your routines...getting up early in the morning and working all day keeps you from slipping into irregular sleeping patterns and keeps you busy. I'm usually too tired at the end of the day to be depressed about anything. Staying up too late and sleeping in too late can cause bouts of depression because the human body needs sunlight to process its chemicals properly, and denying it that opportunity throws it off kilter.
But I totally understand what you're saying about the general slump feeling. I sometimes get that way too. I don't feel able or motivated to do art and then feel dissatisfied with everything else in my life. Sometimes sitting down and hatching a definite plan of action can make me feel better, like if there's a particular goal I need to achieve (like getting a job a few weeks ago), I'll figure out where online or where in town I need to go to make it happen. These bouts always go away eventually.
Anyway I hope you'll feel better by this weekend when we come down to Charlotte for the convention. And if not you'll at least have a few sympathetic ears to whine into.
--
"Is it redundant to put meatballs in a cheesesteak?"
"Only if redundant means glorious."
I'm glad that you know what is what you want!
I think I'm feeling like you said, I need some motivation.. I gave up my graphic design studies, it wasn't like I thought it would be, and now I don't know what to do >_< Maybe I start the studies for photographer next year, but I'm still not sure if it is what I want most... but I don't want to spend more years like this.. life's short!
I hope you good luck doing what make you happy! Ah, I love Monty Python, they are very funny! XD
Cheers, Sir Grunt!
Sorry for my bad english.. This comment took me a long time to write jajaja! I hope you have understood something
--
Please, excuse my poor english... T__TU
~FrealaF made my gorgeus avatar
You seem to be very cool and patient, great qualities.
I guess you are probably right about some of those things. I didn't realize that about sunlight, but I usually do feel better when my sleep schedule is some what consistent. And over-thinking things really is no help either, I guess I don't realize it when I'm doing it.
In regard to a full time job, I'm not quite sure yet, I really enjoy the freelance thing, except that it can be slow sometimes. I guess whichever way you go, you have to sacrifice one thing or another.
Look forward hanging out with you this weekend, man. Take it easy till then.
--
"I have nothing to hide. Except my secrets." -NB
Yeah, it's good when you figure these things out, even if it's just a little bit. Graphic Design is definitely not for everybody, and it's better to figure that out sooner than later. I guess just try to figure out what it is that makes you happiest; that is the best and only I advice I know to give you. And good luck to you also, with whatever you figure out.
Don't feel bad about limited English. Most of us native English speakers can't speak any other languages at all. I know a tiny bit of German, but that's it.
--
"I have nothing to hide. Except my secrets." -NB
I am pretty patient with most things, that's partly natural and partly through effort. I always try to finish things I start and to not let emotion or anxiety cloud my judgement. Not to say that that always works or that I have great judgement.
--
"I have nothing to hide. Except my secrets." -NB
I know exactly how you feel.
--
"Cattle die, kindred die, every man is mortal.
But the good name never dies, of one who has done well."
- Hávamál
I've been on my own twice and had to move back twice. Hopefully the third time will be the charm.
--
"I have nothing to hide. Except my secrets." -NB
Hop things get better for you!
Previous Page12Next Page